The work of being in relationship

Posted on 30 January 2011 | 7 Comments

I was talking with a friend about Laura Munson’s article, from the New York Times, “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear.” Munson’s husband told her that he didn’t love her and wanted out of the relationship, and Munson told him she didn’t believe him, then gave him time to work out the issues that were haunting him.

Reading the article, and sitting with couples in my office, I am reminded of just how much work it is to be in relationship with another adult.  The falling in love part is usually easy and fun, sexual attraction can be positively intoxicating.  But later, our humanity surfaces, our brokenness and our inadequacies rise like cream to the top, that’s where the nature of  ”being in relationship” is called into sharp focus.

What does it mean to be in relationship with another?  What does “being in relationship” look like when one of you loses a job, or has midlife crisis, when a child dies, when there is an affair, an addiction, an illness?  What does your commitment to each other, and to your children, require of you?

This is what I wish we were all thinking about and talking about as Valentine’s Day approaches.  Love isn’t about getting an iPad or diamonds, or taking part in the  busiest day for florists, or pumping up the local restaurant economy.  What does it really mean to love another person?  What does that look like –  not just the household management issues of dishes, cat boxes, errands, but the enacted love between two people.  And how far do you go to preserve that relationship?  When is it right to stay and work it out and when is it time to declare that there is no viable relationship to be saved?

I am sure Munson’s solution isn’t right for every situation, but I appreciated her willingness to share her painful experiences and the insight into being responsible for her own happiness.

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

I’d love to have you comment here on the blog, or on the Facebook page.  I am moved by this story, and I hope it stirs something in you.

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Posted in Counseling, Relationships

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Peace

Posted on 10 January 2011 | Leave a comment

Ellie relaxes in the window.

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Posted in Counseling, Life, pets

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Face your fears.

Posted on 7 January 2011 | 4 Comments

I heard someone say, “do one thing every day that scares you.”  Not the kind of “stick your head in the lions mouth” kind of scary, but perhaps more along the lines of welcoming new challenges and not letting those pesky inner voices talk us out of them.

Sometimes, we have an internal dialogue that says, “I can’t do that.”  ”I’ll fail.” or “I’m too ________ to do that.”

Maybe we know how we got that negative internal dialogue, maybe not.  Either way, we can choose to listen to the negatives and reinforce the belief of failure; or we can challenge it, argue with it, tell it to shut up, or ignore it completely.

Personally, I think we’ve been letting that negative, critical voice have waaaay too much control.

So here’s my dilemma.  In case you’ve just come to this blog, I’m getting ready to turn 50 in April and decided to run a 1/2 marathon to celebrate.  Initially, the 1/2 marathon was/is set for mid-November, but that’s months after my auspicious birthday, so I found one that is the weekend before I turn 50 – and I signed up.

I used to run when I was in my late teens and twenties.  I ran with ease and I ran often.  I’m not at all sure why I stopped but now at 49 3/4 I’ve decided to take up running again.

I notice that my thoughts are playing a HUGE part in the preparation for the April 1/2 marathon.  I have a running plan (you have to have a plan) and last weekend I ran (or really walked & ran) 4 miles.  It was fun, it went quickly, I was super proud.

And, I was sore this week after the run.  Stiff from not stretching enough or the right way, an old soccer-knee injury griped all week about being much too old to run a marathon.  I have some arthritis in my foot that’s complaining too.  Blah, blah, blah.

The weekend, the plan says, “run 5 miles.”  I think how pleasant the 4 miles were and I think, “great.”  Then in the next nano-second, I think, “Sh*t  I can’t run 5 miles – that’s a long way!”  I find that I’m holding my breath while I think about the 5 miles and the plan – THE PLAN.  I feel anxious that I can’t do it.

It’s driving me nuts.

So as I work with my dear clients on facing their fears and pushing themselves to do something new and different, I’m also doing a lot of internal work on facing mine.

The PLAN calls for running a bit and then walking a bit and repeat till finished.  I got an Ironman watch to help with time-keeping.

Ironman watch from timex

Ironman watch in "Power Pink"

Two different marathon running friends suggested the Jeff Galloway method for running. He calls it the run-walk-run method, I call it the PLAN.  I love that the cover includes the words, “You can do it”

Jeff Galloway's 1/2 marathon book

You can do it!

Sunday’s the day – as soon as it’s in the 40′s, I’ll run (and walk) five miles.  It’ll be fun, or scary, or some combination thereof.  I think a big part of this running endeavor is about confronting those voices and getting on with what’s in front of you.

A friend said to me, “You can do it.  Just go left foot, right foot, etc., and you’ll be finished in no time.”

So here’s to facing my fears and you facing your fears, quieting less-than-helpful inner voices, and doing something new in this new year.  You can do it.  That’s my goal this year, embrace “You can do it” in all it’s glory, messiness and opportunity.

Cynthia

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Posted in Counseling, emotions, health, Life, marathon

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Why do you run? Part IV – a cautionary tale

Posted on 20 December 2010 | Leave a comment

The questions:  Why do you run?  Why do you run marathons?

Meet Pete Greaves, age 52, marathon runner

I ran my first marathon (Austin 1995) because I had always wanted to run just one.  I typically spend January burning off the excesses of the holiday season and running had always been the best way to do that.  So, in January of 1995 I started running 3-4 days per week and built up to 8-10 mile runs. I didn’t have any major aches and pains so I started to toy with the idea of running a marathon.  I continued to run and decided to attempt the 1/2 marathon in February (I think) and see how it felt.  I had a very good experience in the 1/2 and decided to take a shot at a full marathon.  I had been told to take my time in the half and multiply it by two and add 10 minutes to get an estimate of what my time might be in a full marathon (I don’t recall my time in the 1/2).

By any expert’s standards I was very under-prepared or trained to run a full when the race day rolled around (3/5/1995).  My longest training run had been 16 miles.  I had planned a 20 but the weather turned cold and rainy that day and I cut it off at 16.  Nevertheless, I decided to give it a try.  The race day conditions were clear but warm (a runner’s nightmare).  I felt great through about the first 16 miles then started to hurt. At mile 18 I was in considerable pain and the temperatures had really gotten warm. By mile 20 I felt like my feet had been cut off and I was running on stumps. I plodded on for the final 6.2 miles doing a combination of running and walking. With 2 miles to go, If I could have averaged a 12 minute mile I would have broken 4 hours.  But I didn’t. I crossed the finish line in 4 hours, 3 minutes and 40 seconds.  It was a great feeling to cross the finish line but I was in major pain and told myself “I will never do this again as long as I live.”

Famous last words!

I ran six more beginning in 2002 and ending in 2006. I did NYC twice and Boston once.

This is the last installment from my marathoner friends.   Special thanks to Pete, Hilary, Ray, and Roger for their generosity.

In case you missed them, here are the links to the previous entries:

Hilary Moffett, age 25

Ray L., age 35 60

Roger Soler, age 50

Run, Rock, ‘n Roll – me, about to turn 50

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Why do you run? Part 3

Posted on 18 December 2010 | 1 Comment

The questions: Why do you run?  Why do you run marathons?
Meet Hilary Moffett, age 25, marathon runner

I began running when I was 13 or 14. My parents are both runners and instilled in my siblings and myself the important of physical activity at a very young age. So, I began running! I used to do it on the weekends or sometimes even in the morning before school because I had sports in the afternoon. I decided I was going to run marathons when I was in the hospital after my brain surgery. I remember sitting in bed and not able to move much less run and I thought to myself “When I’m better, I’m going to run a marathon”. I made good on that promise when I was 19 and ran the Omaha marathon. I just finished my 5th official marathon and have passed 8 years of being cancer free!

I love to run because it is a special sort of meditation for me. I like to be alone on the road and to just breathe. I love the feeling of the body working in unison in the most natural human motion. I sometimes listen to music, sometimes I don’t—just depends on my mood! But the most important thing to me is the time it gives me to work through emotions and problems. I have found it is my prescription for anything: anxiety, sadness, fear, anticipation. They all tend to melt away after a nice run. And then, when I’m finished, I love the feeling of exhausted muscles that have done me well.

So marathons, specifically, are a mix of emotion for me. I like to look at it as just another long Sunday run. Someone once gave me that piece of advice and it stuck with me! There are moments when I think I’ve gone crazy, to be doing what I’m doing. There are moments of overwhelming emotion and reflection, times when I actually problem solve in my head, and much of the time passes in a present daze of a clear head and soft feet. It is an extremely spiritual practice for me and, like most that rely upon a practice to keep them sane and aligned, I always feel better after a good run.

Hilary recently qualified to run in the Boston Marathon in 2012.  Thanks for your contribution Hilary, you are inspiring!

Here are the past stories, in case you missed them:

Ray L., age 60 but feels like he’s 35

Olympian Roger Soler

And why all this stuff about marathons?

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Why do you run? Part 2

Posted on 16 December 2010 | 2 Comments

In honor of turning 50 next year, I’ve decided to run a 1/2 marathon.  You can read about that decision here.  Now that’s decided, and I find myself thinking a lot about running, and wondering why other people run, and why run marathons.

So I decided to ask a few friends why they run and over the next few days, I’ll post their stories.

The questions: Why do you run? Why do you run marathons?

Today’s marathon man is Ray L. age 60:

I started running back in the mid 80′s, when I wasn’t a very active person and my marriage was starting to fall apart.  It was a way to relieve some stress and to have some ” alone” time.  My running consisted of running around the block a few times ! I gradually built up to my first 5k–the Jacksonville Beach Summer Run–Running on the beach became my favorite thing to do–the movement of your body and the ocean waves rolling onto the shore just seem to go together.

Over the years I gradually increased the distance; and in 1998 ran my first marathon–the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C.  Running thru our nation’s capital and crossing the finish line of that first marathon was an experience I will never forget–I was in such a “zone” that I didn’t even see my family standing @ the finish line with a HUGE sign saying “congratulations Dad !”  I was surrounded by 1000′s of people yet I felt like I was the most important, and only person around ! I felt so proud of myself–something I didn’t always feel about myself!  I think I slept with my finishers medal on that night ! It made my family proud of me also which just added to the euphoria I was experiencing.

Training for a marathon has taught me self discipline–if you’re going to succeed you know you have to get up in the morning and do your training runs–I learned how to plan and use my time.

Why do you run? via http://gardengateblog.com

Marathon running has boosted my self-confidence and self-esteem, has made me a stronger person both physically and mentally–It’s amazing what your body can do when you put your mind to it.  You cross that finish line and think “WOW” I did it, I’m a WINNER-no matter how long it took!  But watch out–it becomes addictive!

Ray has a great spirit and I appreciate his contribution to the Why do you run? series.

In case you missed the first installment, check out Soler’s Sports own Olympian, Roger Soler.

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Posted in emotions, health, Life, marathon

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Why do you run?

Posted on 14 December 2010 | 4 Comments

In honor of turning 50 next year, I’ve decided to run a 1/2 marathon. You can read about that decision here.  Now that’s decided, and I find myself thinking a lot about running, and wondering why other people run, and why run marathons.

So I decided to ask a few friends why they run and over the next few days, I’ll post their stories.

The questions:  Why do you run?  Why do you run marathons?

First up is Roger Soler, age 50, marathon runner:

I started running because I liked the competition, and I found out I was good at it.  The more I trained and run the better I felt.

Eventually, after 10 years of competitive running, I decided to do a marathon… For distance runners it is the “ultimate” goal.  I have run over 30 marathons with a personal best of 2:17 at Boston in 1988.

Now, I only run for fitness, and marathons are not in my plans.  But I run a Half marathon a couple of time a year.  They do not take as much training.  ~ Roger Soler

A note to readers, a marathon is 26 miles and some change.  Roger’s fastest marathon was completed in 2:17 – 2 hours & 17 minutes.  That means he ran about 13 miles an hour.  Holy cow that’s fast.

Roger Soler ran for Peru in the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles.  You can read more about him here. He has a deep connection to San Antonio and to the running community.   I’m grateful to Roger Soler for sharing his story.

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Run, Rock ‘n Roll

Posted on 29 November 2010 | 10 Comments

Am I running away from turning 50? Or, am I running toward 50 with my arms open wide?  It’s a little to early to tell, but today,  I registered for the San Antonio Rock ‘n Roll 1/2 Marathon .  I only signed up for the 1/2 because I figure if  I really like running ridiculously long distances, I can always switch to the full marathon, but I don’t have to commit to that just yet.

I’ll turn 50 on April 20th, 2011. I am not worried about turning 50, it actually feels kind of cool. I don’t want a big party, I might want a little dinner party, or maybe a trip out-of-town, but mostly, I want to be strong and healthy as I pass that milestone.

I have been mulling over the “marathon thing” for a while now. A few years back, a therapist friend of mine was training for a 1/2 marathon for her 50th birthday. Frankly, I thought she was nuts. However, today she seems like a sensible woman and I’ll take some inspiration from her accomplishments!

Did you know that when you register for a 1/2 marathon, they want to know exactly how long it will take you to run the course? That was incredibly funny to me. I don’t even know if I can finish, let alone know how long it will take.

I said, “I’ll finish in 3.00 hours”  actually, that should say, I guessed “3.00 hours”  I’ve only done 4 miles and that was exhausting and so far, a one-off event.

On what promises to be a chilly Sunday morning in November 2011, I’ll join  30,000 other maniacs in downtown San Antonio.  I’ll  keep you posted on the training, the psychological journey, and I’m sure a tiny bit of whining along the way.

For now, time for some Central Market Hatch Green Chile Chips.  After all, it’s never too early to do some carb loading.

Cynthia

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Posted in Counseling, health, Life, marathon

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Gamer-Affirmative Therapy – What is it and why is it important?

Posted on 22 November 2010 | 2 Comments

My friend Mike Langlois, LICSW talks about Gamer-Affirmative Therapy.
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Let me know what you think about this.

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Posted in Counseling, Culture

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Security Blanket

Posted on 19 November 2010 | 6 Comments

I’ve always carried a blanket in my car.  Not actually a blanket, it’s a very old quilt, that my now deceased Aunt Ida made for me when I was young.  It has cats on one side and patchwork on the back.  I call it “the cat quilt” and the cat quilt went with me in my first dorm room at UNM, and my first apartment. The cat quilt outlasted my marriage, moves to Texas, Oklahoma, and back to Texas.

The cat quilt has been in every car I’ve owned.  It’s a bit like Arthur Dent and his ever-present towel; my cat quilt is  for security.  Just in case my car breaks down, I’ll be ready with a cat quilt security blanket.  This makes sense if you live where it’s cold, because if your heater goes out, or you break down, it really nice to have a blanket in the car.  Or if your car breaks down on a hot day, you can sit on the cat quilt while you wait for AAA.

Carrying a blanket makes sense if your car is untrustworthy and likely to break down.  It’s smart to have a blanket in the car, and even smarter if it has calico print kitties on one side.  Now I have a new car and a warranty.  I don’t expect my car to break down and I wonder if I still need to carry the cat quilt.

Maybe it’s sentimental, but I think I still need the cat quilt in the car.  It doesn’t seem right to put it in the closet.  I’ve had it in my various cars since the 80′s.  I’m pretty sure that I’ll drive a little more safely, knowing that very old quilt, made by loving hands, is tucked in my very small trunk.

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Posted in Life

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Handling the Holidays: Family, Food, and Finances

Posted on 11 November 2010 | 2 Comments

The holidays are coming!  There are usually lots of opportunities to gather, see friends and family, eat great food, and generally celebrate.  However, the holidays can also bring on added stress and grief if we lose sight of our goals and get swept up in the many demands that come our way.  Navigating through this season can be tough.  Here are some steps to help you maintain a sense of balance and hopefully have more space for delight and joy,

Food

This is a season for eating.  There are special meals, extravagant desserts, and lots of snack foods to enjoy.  The downside is that it is not uncommon for people to gain 5 or even 10 pounds during the holidays.  If you are concerned about your weight, here are some ways to avoid the gift of extra weight this season.

  • Plan what you want to eat before you get to the food.  Think about what foods really appeal to you, and how much you want to have.  It might even help to tell your partner or companion what you are planning to eat.
  • Eat slowly.  Take the time to really savor each bite.  Pay attention to the colors, textures, and aromas that make foods special.
  • Concentrate on conversation.  If you are at a party or similar event, allow yourself to indulge in the company of others.  Take the opportunity to get to know someone new.  Introduce yourself and perhaps make a new friend or rekindle an old friendship.  When you are having a good time, you might not be so tempted to overeat.
  • Alcohol has a lot of calories and carbohydrates.  Try alternatives like juice or sparkling water.  Put good things into your body as often as possible.
  • Keep exercising through the holidays.  Exercise burns calories, helps you release stress and bring oxygen into your body.  Make your self-care a priority, even during this busy time..

Finances

For many of us, this is a gift giving season.  If your family traditions include gifts during the season, these ideas can help.

  • Talk with your partner about what you both want to spend and can afford to spend this season.  Gift buying is easier to manage when you start with your goal in mind.
  • Recognize that advertisers and the media really want you to spend – that is their goal.  If you have children, you can use the media blitz as an opportunity to teach them about media pressure.  You can make a game out of identifying what the commercials are telling you to buy or do.  Older kids can identify what advertisers are promising you with their product (happiness, love, etc).
  • In some families, there is a myth that the size or cost of a gift represents how much you love the person you are gifting.  This can be a trap for over-spending.  If you recognize this in yourself, or in your family, perhaps you can begin to think about gifts as tokens of affection rather than symbols of how much a person means to us.  If you think about it, we can’t ever really give someone a gift that is equal to our love for them.  A gift is a chance to say, “I am thinking about you and celebrating our relationship.”  This is a good time to celebrate the gifts we give daily:  love, kindness, compassion, and laughter.

Family

Some people have great relationships with their families and cannot wait to get together for the holidays.  For others, families are both a source of joy and stress.  Navigating the family demands during the holidays can be tricky.  Here are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Begin by talking with your partner about what the holidays mean to each of you.  What are your own desires and expectations?  What foods or activities are really important and which ones don’t mean so much?  In answering these questions, you begin to get a vision of how you two would like to spend the holidays.  With this understanding and vision in mind, you can make better decisions with regards to family expectations.
  • If your family always gets into arguments during the holidays, there is every reason to expect arguing this year too.  It is easy to get caught up in wishing that the family were different, or somehow better, or…  This wishing is OK, but it can ruin our holidays if we are focusing on the ways people don’t measure up.  Recognize (and maybe say out loud) that no family is perfect.  You might try saying to yourself, “Yes, that is how Grandpa always is” or even sigh with relief that you have moved out of the dysfunction and now are only a visitor.
  • Plan some time for you and your partner to be alone.  Actually schedule it on the calendar.  Get a babysitter and take time for yourselves.  It is so easy to get caught up in trying to see all the family members or attend all the parties and forget to nurture ourselves.  Check in with each other, enjoy each other and celebrate the life you are building together.

Here is a wish for you and your family to have safe and happy holidays.

Cynthia

 

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Posted in Counseling, health, holidays, Relationships

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Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries

Posted on 10 November 2010 | Leave a comment

I found an old (2006)  article of mine online today:  Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries It’s a very basic introduction to recognizing healthy boundaries.  I suspect that rather than being re-posted on someone’s blog, in fact, the article was probably picked up by a robot.

Anyway, thought you might like a quick read on good boundaries.

Have a great day,

Cynthia

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Posted in Counseling, health, Relationships

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I’m so mad

Posted on 8 November 2010 | 6 Comments

I was so upset, or maybe I was just PMS-ing

I hear this phrase, or something very similar, from many women.  There are, of course, women who suffer with PMS, or PMDD, who are really tormented by their hormonal changes.  But more often, “I’m hormonal” or “It’s PMS” is a way to show how uncomfortable we are with our anger.

Good girls aren’t supposed to get angry; remember we’re nice.  And we have nice, and happy, and caring, and loving down pat.  Other times,  we feel annoyed, irritated, or angry.   And if we have a personal rule that says we aren’t supposed to be angry, we tend to push those feelings aside, or bury them deep inside us.

The thing is, the angry feelings don’t really go away, but instead they accumulate.  They build up pressure.  And like a beach ball at the pool, the feelings are not going to stay down forever; they will pop up with a surge of energy.  The anger will come out.

And when actually get angry, we can be so uncomfortable with the feelings that we cry instead of talk, or we yell, or we eat too much, or don’t eat at all.

How does this relate to hormones?  I read once that the ebb and flow of hormones can change our ability to hide our feelings.  So, in your 20’s, maybe you were able to keep all those feelings pushed down, because you thought you were supposed to.  As you get into your 30’s and 40’s, your tolerance for keeping them all inside is reduced because you are more comfortable with having feelings, and simultaneously, your ability to hide them is diminishing.  Your hormones may actually be helping you say what needs to be said.

Healthy people, men and women, experience a wide range of emotions including anger.  The healthiest way to handle anger is to talk about what’s bothering us.  Sometimes we’ll do it easily, other times it will be more difficult.  But practicing asking for what you want and need, or expressing feelings of sadness and pain will make your emotional “muscles” stronger and more flexible.  You actually get better at handling your emotions by expressing them and getting feedback from that expression.

It’s okay to be angry.  The issue at hand is to figure out what’s making you angry and what you can do about the situation.  Let’s set ourselves free from hiding behind our hormones.

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Posted in emotions, health, Relationships

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Steep learning curve

Posted on 2 November 2010 | Leave a comment

Using my laptop to try to decode the new car’s SYNC system.

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Posted in Life, Musings, Science

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Change is in the air

Posted on 25 October 2010 | Leave a comment

My food posts are moving to:
http://lotsayum.com

Lotsa Yum: eating, writing, and thinking about food.  I hope you’ll take a minute and check out Lotsa Yum!

Garden Gate Blog is staying with insight into the search for joy and meaning in everyday life.

Watch for a new Garden Gate post on Monday…I’m taking on Glee.

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Posted in Bits & Bobs, Cooking, Counseling, Gardening

The Chilean Miners

Posted on 13 October 2010 | Leave a comment

I’m watching, with the rest of the world, as the 33 men are rescued from the mine.  As I write this, 10 have been rescued safely and the 11th is on his way to the surface.  The rescue is slow paced, carefully planned, and astonishing.

Much of the world news is bad, so many people suffer in so many ways.  It is such a joy to see ’round the clock coverage of good news:  happy families, loving embraces, tearful commentators.

In the next days they will return to their lives, and we to ours.  But for today, let’s rejoice in the strength of the human spirit.

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna is a psychotherapist specializing in trauma, anxiety, and depression.  You can learn more about her work at her website:  www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

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Posted in Counseling, Relationships, Science

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Rising to the occasion

Posted on 12 October 2010 | 1 Comment

It’s been an exciting time in the office.  Mr. Lolly caught a mouse.

That’s not normally a remarkable thing.  It’s getting cooler, mice look for warm places, and cats catch mice right?

I adopted Lolly when he was very young, probably less than 5 weeks old.  He and his litter mates were rescued from the Tulsa Animal Shelter by my friend and veterinarian, Dr. Robin Johnson.  Robin has a heart for rescuing, neutering, and placing as many animals as possible.  Lolly could eat solid food, so he came home with me.  He was such a tiny little guy, and I had a lot of fun watching him play and grow.

Lolly's first day at home

Zoom forward 12 years.  Lolly lives in the country, with three other cats and none of them have expressed any interest in mousing.  Their attitude seems to be, “that’s what mouse traps are for.”

Well, Lolly caught a mouse, and liked it so well, he caught another one (mice often arrive in pairs).

Here’s what I find remarkable.  Lolly didn’t have a good beginning, he didn’t have much time with his mamma cat and he didn’t learn a lot of basic cat knowledge.

But that chilly morning, his instincts kicked in and when he spotted the mouse, he knew what to do, and he did it with skill and joy.

Lolly is such a good reminder about how powerful our instincts are.  Each of us is born with strong instincts.  “Instincts” are that inner knowledge that advises us – tells us something is wrong, or urges us to make certain choices.

Many people are conditioned, by family or society, to ignore instincts.  For a variety of reasons, we quit listening and frequently pay the price;  we feel disconnected and powerless.  Getting back in touch with your own instinctual knowledge helps guide your choices and brings back that sense of personal power.

Lolly’s mousing adventure was a clear reminder that we are gifted with inner knowledge, and we serve ourselves and others by learning to trust and use our instincts.

Take care,
Cynthia+

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Want to know more about Mr. Lolly?  Visit Lolly’s page and follow him on twitter!

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Posted in Counseling, pets, Relationships

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It Gets Better ~ for anyone who loves an LGBTQ teen

Posted on 6 October 2010 | 1 Comment

Please take a few minutes to watch this video, and share it with your LGBTQ loved one.  Life really does get better and it’s time to extend a hand to help kids make it through the bullying.  The bullies speak up, it’s time for us to speak up too.

Special thanks to Dan and Terry for sharing their story and for starting the, “It Gets Better Project.”

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna is a psychotherapist and Episcopal priest.  You can find out more about her work with anxiety, depression, PTSD and LGBTQ issues atwww.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

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Grateful hearts

Posted on 4 October 2010 | 5 Comments

Today is the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi. It’s a day to remember Francis giving up his wealth and stature to serve the poor and outcast. Francis founded the Franciscan monastic order, and is the patron saint of animals.

Lots of churches and other organizations hold services today to honor St. Francis and bless the animals. The blessing of the animals is one of my favorite services in the Church year. People bring cats, dogs, snakes, rats, horses, fish, you name it; and have their pet blessed at church.

When you adopt a pet, big or small, you make a promise to that animal – you promise good food and water, protection and care. That animal gives you trust, unconditional love, and companionship, challenges your patience from time to time, and adds so much joy to your life.

Animals give a lot and ask little in return.

If you didn’t make it to a Blessing of the Animals service this year, you might pause for a minute and say a prayer of thanks for each animal in your life. Here’s my favorite:

O God, you have made all things for yourself. Bless, we pray, this animal; that it may be a good pet, and a source of love and joy to those with whom it dwells. Amen.

Thank you for following Garden Gate Blog as it moves to it’s new home at www.WordPress.com I think I have most of the kinks out (fingers crossed.)

Happy Feast of St. Francis!

Cynthia

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Cynthia McKenna is a psychotherapist and Episcopal priest.  You can find out more about her work with anxiety, depression, and PTSD at www.cynthiamckennacounseling.com

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5 reasons why I haven’t been blogging

Posted on 28 September 2010 | Leave a comment

5.  I got a really nasty stomach bug and it took a long time to recover.

4.  I have an infestation of stink bugs in the garden.

3.  We got a new dog – her name is Lucy.

2.  I've been reading a lot of interesting books to help my clients.

and the number one reason I haven't been blogging is….

1.  I needed some quiet, reflective time for myself.

I'm a huge proponent of quiet reflection.  Our society doesn't support quiet thought, or even just quiet for the sake of being quiet.  I have found that I need to unplug fairly often.  That means I cut down on stimuli, less computer, less visiting with friends, less visual and auditory stimulation. 

I might unplug for an afternoon, a day, a weekend, or even for a week.  My goal is for minimal stimulation and maximum quiet and rest.  This isn't the time to get my "to do" list done, it's time to let things "be."

I find that when I am finished unplugging, and ready to plug back into the wonderful busy world, I have more clarity of thought, a quieter mind, more peaceful dreams.  And I am a better therapist, because I have cleared out some of the cobwebs.

When was the last time you unplugged?  How about trying it for a day this weekend?  Or maybe, spend this weekend without newspapers, TV, radio, computer, cell phone…imagine what could happen!

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