Monthly Archives: November 2010

Run, Rock ‘n Roll

Posted on 29 November 2010 | 10 Comments

Am I running away from turning 50? Or, am I running toward 50 with my arms open wide?  It’s a little to early to tell, but today,  I registered for the San Antonio Rock ‘n Roll 1/2 Marathon .  I only signed up for the 1/2 because I figure if  I really like running ridiculously long distances, I can always switch to the full marathon, but I don’t have to commit to that just yet.

I’ll turn 50 on April 20th, 2011. I am not worried about turning 50, it actually feels kind of cool. I don’t want a big party, I might want a little dinner party, or maybe a trip out-of-town, but mostly, I want to be strong and healthy as I pass that milestone.

I have been mulling over the “marathon thing” for a while now. A few years back, a therapist friend of mine was training for a 1/2 marathon for her 50th birthday. Frankly, I thought she was nuts. However, today she seems like a sensible woman and I’ll take some inspiration from her accomplishments!

Did you know that when you register for a 1/2 marathon, they want to know exactly how long it will take you to run the course? That was incredibly funny to me. I don’t even know if I can finish, let alone know how long it will take.

I said, “I’ll finish in 3.00 hours”  actually, that should say, I guessed “3.00 hours”  I’ve only done 4 miles and that was exhausting and so far, a one-off event.

On what promises to be a chilly Sunday morning in November 2011, I’ll join  30,000 other maniacs in downtown San Antonio.  I’ll  keep you posted on the training, the psychological journey, and I’m sure a tiny bit of whining along the way.

For now, time for some Central Market Hatch Green Chile Chips.  After all, it’s never too early to do some carb loading.

Cynthia

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Posted in Counseling, health, Life, marathon

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Gamer-Affirmative Therapy – What is it and why is it important?

Posted on 22 November 2010 | 2 Comments

My friend Mike Langlois, LICSW talks about Gamer-Affirmative Therapy.
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Let me know what you think about this.

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Posted in Counseling, Culture

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Security Blanket

Posted on 19 November 2010 | 6 Comments

I’ve always carried a blanket in my car.  Not actually a blanket, it’s a very old quilt, that my now deceased Aunt Ida made for me when I was young.  It has cats on one side and patchwork on the back.  I call it “the cat quilt” and the cat quilt went with me in my first dorm room at UNM, and my first apartment. The cat quilt outlasted my marriage, moves to Texas, Oklahoma, and back to Texas.

The cat quilt has been in every car I’ve owned.  It’s a bit like Arthur Dent and his ever-present towel; my cat quilt is  for security.  Just in case my car breaks down, I’ll be ready with a cat quilt security blanket.  This makes sense if you live where it’s cold, because if your heater goes out, or you break down, it really nice to have a blanket in the car.  Or if your car breaks down on a hot day, you can sit on the cat quilt while you wait for AAA.

Carrying a blanket makes sense if your car is untrustworthy and likely to break down.  It’s smart to have a blanket in the car, and even smarter if it has calico print kitties on one side.  Now I have a new car and a warranty.  I don’t expect my car to break down and I wonder if I still need to carry the cat quilt.

Maybe it’s sentimental, but I think I still need the cat quilt in the car.  It doesn’t seem right to put it in the closet.  I’ve had it in my various cars since the 80′s.  I’m pretty sure that I’ll drive a little more safely, knowing that very old quilt, made by loving hands, is tucked in my very small trunk.

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Posted in Life

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Handling the Holidays: Family, Food, and Finances

Posted on 11 November 2010 | 2 Comments

The holidays are coming!  There are usually lots of opportunities to gather, see friends and family, eat great food, and generally celebrate.  However, the holidays can also bring on added stress and grief if we lose sight of our goals and get swept up in the many demands that come our way.  Navigating through this season can be tough.  Here are some steps to help you maintain a sense of balance and hopefully have more space for delight and joy,

Food

This is a season for eating.  There are special meals, extravagant desserts, and lots of snack foods to enjoy.  The downside is that it is not uncommon for people to gain 5 or even 10 pounds during the holidays.  If you are concerned about your weight, here are some ways to avoid the gift of extra weight this season.

  • Plan what you want to eat before you get to the food.  Think about what foods really appeal to you, and how much you want to have.  It might even help to tell your partner or companion what you are planning to eat.
  • Eat slowly.  Take the time to really savor each bite.  Pay attention to the colors, textures, and aromas that make foods special.
  • Concentrate on conversation.  If you are at a party or similar event, allow yourself to indulge in the company of others.  Take the opportunity to get to know someone new.  Introduce yourself and perhaps make a new friend or rekindle an old friendship.  When you are having a good time, you might not be so tempted to overeat.
  • Alcohol has a lot of calories and carbohydrates.  Try alternatives like juice or sparkling water.  Put good things into your body as often as possible.
  • Keep exercising through the holidays.  Exercise burns calories, helps you release stress and bring oxygen into your body.  Make your self-care a priority, even during this busy time..

Finances

For many of us, this is a gift giving season.  If your family traditions include gifts during the season, these ideas can help.

  • Talk with your partner about what you both want to spend and can afford to spend this season.  Gift buying is easier to manage when you start with your goal in mind.
  • Recognize that advertisers and the media really want you to spend – that is their goal.  If you have children, you can use the media blitz as an opportunity to teach them about media pressure.  You can make a game out of identifying what the commercials are telling you to buy or do.  Older kids can identify what advertisers are promising you with their product (happiness, love, etc).
  • In some families, there is a myth that the size or cost of a gift represents how much you love the person you are gifting.  This can be a trap for over-spending.  If you recognize this in yourself, or in your family, perhaps you can begin to think about gifts as tokens of affection rather than symbols of how much a person means to us.  If you think about it, we can’t ever really give someone a gift that is equal to our love for them.  A gift is a chance to say, “I am thinking about you and celebrating our relationship.”  This is a good time to celebrate the gifts we give daily:  love, kindness, compassion, and laughter.

Family

Some people have great relationships with their families and cannot wait to get together for the holidays.  For others, families are both a source of joy and stress.  Navigating the family demands during the holidays can be tricky.  Here are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Begin by talking with your partner about what the holidays mean to each of you.  What are your own desires and expectations?  What foods or activities are really important and which ones don’t mean so much?  In answering these questions, you begin to get a vision of how you two would like to spend the holidays.  With this understanding and vision in mind, you can make better decisions with regards to family expectations.
  • If your family always gets into arguments during the holidays, there is every reason to expect arguing this year too.  It is easy to get caught up in wishing that the family were different, or somehow better, or…  This wishing is OK, but it can ruin our holidays if we are focusing on the ways people don’t measure up.  Recognize (and maybe say out loud) that no family is perfect.  You might try saying to yourself, “Yes, that is how Grandpa always is” or even sigh with relief that you have moved out of the dysfunction and now are only a visitor.
  • Plan some time for you and your partner to be alone.  Actually schedule it on the calendar.  Get a babysitter and take time for yourselves.  It is so easy to get caught up in trying to see all the family members or attend all the parties and forget to nurture ourselves.  Check in with each other, enjoy each other and celebrate the life you are building together.

Here is a wish for you and your family to have safe and happy holidays.

Cynthia

 

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Posted in Counseling, health, holidays, Relationships

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Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries

Posted on 10 November 2010 | Leave a comment

I found an old (2006)  article of mine online today:  Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries It’s a very basic introduction to recognizing healthy boundaries.  I suspect that rather than being re-posted on someone’s blog, in fact, the article was probably picked up by a robot.

Anyway, thought you might like a quick read on good boundaries.

Have a great day,

Cynthia

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Posted in Counseling, health, Relationships

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I’m so mad

Posted on 8 November 2010 | 6 Comments

I was so upset, or maybe I was just PMS-ing

I hear this phrase, or something very similar, from many women.  There are, of course, women who suffer with PMS, or PMDD, who are really tormented by their hormonal changes.  But more often, “I’m hormonal” or “It’s PMS” is a way to show how uncomfortable we are with our anger.

Good girls aren’t supposed to get angry; remember we’re nice.  And we have nice, and happy, and caring, and loving down pat.  Other times,  we feel annoyed, irritated, or angry.   And if we have a personal rule that says we aren’t supposed to be angry, we tend to push those feelings aside, or bury them deep inside us.

The thing is, the angry feelings don’t really go away, but instead they accumulate.  They build up pressure.  And like a beach ball at the pool, the feelings are not going to stay down forever; they will pop up with a surge of energy.  The anger will come out.

And when actually get angry, we can be so uncomfortable with the feelings that we cry instead of talk, or we yell, or we eat too much, or don’t eat at all.

How does this relate to hormones?  I read once that the ebb and flow of hormones can change our ability to hide our feelings.  So, in your 20’s, maybe you were able to keep all those feelings pushed down, because you thought you were supposed to.  As you get into your 30’s and 40’s, your tolerance for keeping them all inside is reduced because you are more comfortable with having feelings, and simultaneously, your ability to hide them is diminishing.  Your hormones may actually be helping you say what needs to be said.

Healthy people, men and women, experience a wide range of emotions including anger.  The healthiest way to handle anger is to talk about what’s bothering us.  Sometimes we’ll do it easily, other times it will be more difficult.  But practicing asking for what you want and need, or expressing feelings of sadness and pain will make your emotional “muscles” stronger and more flexible.  You actually get better at handling your emotions by expressing them and getting feedback from that expression.

It’s okay to be angry.  The issue at hand is to figure out what’s making you angry and what you can do about the situation.  Let’s set ourselves free from hiding behind our hormones.

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Posted in emotions, health, Relationships

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Steep learning curve

Posted on 2 November 2010 | Leave a comment

Using my laptop to try to decode the new car’s SYNC system.

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Posted in Life, Musings, Science

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