I’ve been reading Frederick Buechner since I came across his work in the 1990′s. I don’t know why I never thought to look for him on YouTube but an insightful friend shard this video sermon. I really like the way he articulates dealing with the pain and suffering we all experience. Plus our beautiful Laity Lodge is mentioned in the video!
Posted in Counseling, Family, Life, Relationships
Tagged buechner, pain, stewardship of suffering, suffering
I’m waiting on some news that will likely be sad and hard to receive. There is an ache in my heart and a pit in my stomach while I wait for the phone call that will surely come. While I wait, I offer silent prayers of comfort for the folks involved, and I wonder what the future is going to hold.
When life gets hard and sickness or death or disaster draws close, where is our comfort?
I lift up my eyes to the hills— from where will my help come? Psalm 121 NRSV
The next part of that Psalm says that our help comes from God but I aways read that first part as a cry from the heart – the spirit crying out to the hills for help and wondering if there is any help or any comfort at all.
Comfort comes in a warm embrace, in the presence of another who is willing to really listen, in the quiet companionship of a sweet dog. Comfort can come to us in scriptures, poetry, music, art, and in silence.
The heart that is broken can sometimes close itself off to the comfort and compassion that is offered. Perhaps the pain is to terrible or the stimulation too intense. It seems that there is a time for quiet, personal reflection on what is, and what is not, and that time for pondering is a precious component to our walk through sadness and grief.
When someone dies, the people closest to them often describe the days and weeks following the death as a time of being “in shock” or “numbness.” This is, in so many ways, a blessing. That shocky feeling allows the bereaved to get things done, make funeral arrangements, deal with the onslaught of friends and family and get through the tasks that must be tended to Only after the funeral, and after the people leave, then the heart starts to sift through the emotions and and begin to adjust to the new normal – whatever that will be.
So often, when we see a friend hurting or sad, we don’t know what to do or say. It’s enough to say, “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” or, “I can see you are sad and I don’t know what to say.” We say in church that we are the Body of Christ. One of the ways that is enacted is when we show God’s love and compassion for one another when there is pain and grief. There are so many stories in the Gospels that show Jesus reaching out to the sick and suffering and we become the Body of Christ when we reach out to one another. That generous spirit comes from your own heart, but it’s source is in God’s love for us all. Even for those who don’t claim a faith tradition or believe in God, offering your good thoughts or simple good deeds in support of another who is hurting will be gratefully received.
I’m a longtime follower of the Satellite Sisters and the Chaos Chronicles. In a podscast last fall, Lian Dolan reflected on the comfort she had received during her mother’s sickness and death. It’s often hard to know how to help when someone is hurting and Lian has a good list of things that were helpful to her. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to listen to her reflections on the somewhat unexpected death of her mother and a few gleanings from that time of death and loss. Here’s a link to the webpage and you can click through to listen.
Lian Dolan’s Chaos Chronicles Podcast #605
Be kind and generous to each other, and say “I love you” as often as you can.
Posted in Counseling, Grief, Relationships, Religion
Tagged body of christ, chaos chronicles, comfort, compassion, death, grief, lian dolan, psalm 121
“An estimated fifteen million blank-book journals sell every year in the United States. Somebody is writing” Christina Baldwin
In her book on “storycatching” Christina, one of the pioneers of the journal writing movement makes this statement about journal writing and blank books. And, she says, “Journal writing is the ongoing creation of the story of a life, in the littlest and largest sense. It is a story told to the self, by the self, for the self.”
I have been using a journal for lots of years now. I can’t remember exactly when I first intentionally and consciously took a blank book and began to write out my thoughts, dreams, reflections, frustrations, memories, prayers….even grocery lists appeared sometimes! I had one of those little diaries with lock and key as a young girl. I kept a journal in some of my college classes. I kept one when a counselor suggested it as a way to find my way back to myself. I use one now as a part of my daily spiritual disciplines. All I know is that my journal and the practice of journaling has been one of the greatest gifts I have been given. I am blessed to have the journals of one of my grandmothers. And I get together once a week with a small group of women who all use journals and a writing discipline as one of their spiritual practices. These things have made for a rich experience with pen and paper.
So, how do you start this practice? Easy…grab a blank book, one that you have picked out with intention and love, get a pen you like to write with and start. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Let it be fun. Practice makes possible. You will be surprised at what finds its way to the page. Look around the room, find something….the dust bunny in the corner, the rumpled bed sheet and write about it on the page.
Stuck? Just start over with whatever you first wrote down. Copy a quote from a book that you love and write a response or a question below it. Write 5 things at the end of each day you have to be thankful for. Cut out a cartoon you laughed at, glue it in your journal and write a response to it. Don’t worry about spelling or punctuation. This is not an English essay. (That took me awhile to learn since I had a mother who was an English teacher). There are no grades. Writing in a journal is a physical exercise; with practice your creative juices flow, you find your voice, and before you know it you have formed a habit of going to your journal on a regular basis. Make a commitment….10 minutes a day or more if that fits your schedule. Just do it.
Carla Pineda is a journaling/writing workshop and retreat leader with a background in psychology/counseling and is a certified spiritual director. Her interests lie in working with women and exploring the areas of creativity, spirituality, and wholeness through reading and writing in circles of support, sharing, safety, and fun. She is the assistant manager/event coordinator and buyer for the independent bookstore, Viva Books in San Antonio.
She can be reached at carlaleedpineda@gmail.com or at Carla@vivabooks.com
Posted in Counseling, health, Life, Spirituality
Tagged journal, journaling, spirituality, writing
Some people love the holidays, the cooking, the gatherings, the sparkle all add to the festive spirit of Christmas. Christmas can be so very special.
But for others, the holidays are a real challenge. Many people who live alone are acutely aware of their “aloneness” at this time of year. Maybe it’s going to a party and finding out everyone else there is a “couple” or staying home because you haven’t been invited to any celebrations, either way it feels bad.
I find a new compassion for those who dread the holidays and what they mean, or seem to symbolize. I think the holiday busyness becomes like a broken icon into the hurting soul – as if the image of one at home alone at Christmastime proves they are unloved and unwanted. I want to say to them, “No, this isn’t a statement of your value or love-ly ness,” but I know those words fall short when a heart is hurting. Why is it that we let the world define our value and our happiness? I wish I could hold back that tide of “shoulds” and “oughts” and make space for the heart that doesn’t feel light and joyful in the holiday season.
So what can you do to make this better right now? Here are some ideas to help you survive the holidays. Feel free to add your own ideas, this is only a start.
Posted in Counseling, emotions, holidays, Life, Relationships, Religion
I keep thinking, “I’ll just check in on FB for a few minutes.” And then I remember that I deactivated my account last night. I’m missing the photos and updates and the many Happy Halloween photos of friends children, it’s a sweet ache. I think I should have stayed on one more day.
I’m aware that I sound suspiciously like the addict who is ready to change, tomorrow…
I’ve had countless clients talk about grief they have experienced by FB. Finding out that friends were doing things without inviting them, people posting photos or comments that should have been kept private, and the ever-present dilemma of checking in on an ex-love and finding out that they are happy without you. There’s plenty of pain to go around.
I received a lot of encouragement both on the FB page, in private messages, and from friends who knew of my plans. Seems many of us have a love-hate relationship with the Facebook, so I’m encouraged.
I’m letting my mind wander over to FB, and then like a good meditation practice, I’m pulling my consciousness back into the present moment. I wonder what I will learn from this endeavor.
Cynthia
Posted in Counseling, health, Life, Relationships
Tagged addiction, facebook, fb, giving up facebook, halloween, meditation
Here’s what I posted on my FB page this afternoon:
Dear friends, I’m leaving fb. I’ve been contemplating this for months and finally decided that I want to give it a try. It’s a personal decision, nothing bad has happened to make me decide to leave. I have grown weary of the ever-shifting privacy issues with fb. And more importantly, I don’t want fb to be the only way I connect with people I care about.
It’s possible that I’ll decide that this was a terrible mistake and come back but I have to give it a try. I welcome your continued friendship and thank you for the many, many ways you have blessed my life.
I will be devoting more time to the blog:http://gardengateblog.com/ and probably combing the food stuff with the counseling stuff in one place. I hope you’ll take time to check over there now and then.
On the one hand, I love seeing the photos of people’s kids and pets, and admit to posting “Happy birthday to my cat.” photos annually. I’ve made connections with relatives, friends from elementary school, college friends, seminary pals, and even friends that I’ve never met in real life. It’s been a lot of fun.
Posted in Counseling, Life, Musings, Relationships
Tagged facebook, privacy, social media
This piece gives good insight into the hearts and minds of people with food issues. If you know someone who could benefit from this piece, please forward it to them.
So I stopped eating written by Emily Wierenga
Posted in Counseling, Relationships
Tagged anorexia, bulimia, emily wierenga, so I stopped eating
Sometimes ponies show up at the Post Office.
This horse is named Myst.
Grabbing a quick snack before the ride.
Show your shoes!
I’m starting my 8th week eating Plant-Strong.
Weeks 1-7 have been easy-peasy, fun, energizing, and delicious. This week, not so much.
It started with a really hectic work week, and then real tiredness on Saturday. That tiredness translated into two things: I didn’t want to go to the farmers market or grocery store, and I didn’t feel like cooking.
I made hummus for lunch, without our usual spicy serranos or jalapeños to add to the mix. Also the cilantro has bolted so what leaves I could harvest were muted in flavor. Lunch was healthful, but also kind of sucked. Saturday night I was content to have veggies and a salad but we opted for caprese salad – except we bought the wrong bread and I can’t eat mozzarella.
Sunday brought an unexpected trip to a local “famous hamburger” joint. I got a portabella sandwich that was perfectly fine, but the fat in the onion rings made my belly hurt. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t eyeing the delicious looking cheeseburger that sat perilously close to me.
Not my burger
In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a bit whiney.
Today I’m doing my taxes, which would take away anyone’s appetite. I made some spicy black-eyed peas (a recipe I love btw), but I’m conscious of the bacon that is not in the pot. Maybe I’m focusing on what I don’t have rather than what I do have…
Everyone has meals that are “less than stellar.” I’m blessed to have the time and interest to focus on eating more healthfully, and creating interesting meals. It’s not always going to be “tofu and roses.” Some days I’m going to struggle.
I remember when I started running, my 8 mile run was so daunting. I couldn’t sleep the week before the scheduled run. I kept thinking, “There’s no way I can run 8 miles, it’s too far.” As the weekend run approached, I realized I’d hit a wall, and that I’d constructed that wall with my own limiting beliefs. And if I made that wall, I could tear it down.
I ran that 8 miles and many more after that. I’ll get back onto the, “Man this food is fantastic” road tomorrow. For tonight, I’m going to make good choices so I am nourished, and try to finish my taxes.
Things will look better in the morning. I’ve learned that I need to plan ahead to have good foods ready to eat for days and nights when I’m less than motivated. I also need to plan for busy work weeks.
Here’s the terrific Spicy Black-Eyed Pea recipe that is both quick and delicious.
Posted in emotions, health, Life, Motivation, Organic Food, Plant Strong, Vegan
Tagged cheeseburger, hummus, plant strong, roses, spicy black eyed peas, struggle, tofu
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m a vegan.
Really, I’m a shocked as you are. I have, off and on my entire adult life, flirted with vegetarianism. I have vegetarian cookbooks, have “gone vegetarian” once a decade or so, and honestly love my vegetables.
But I also love meat, especially lamb. In fact, when I was a member of Leadership Boerne, I was given an award for being the only “lamb-eating-vegetarian” the group had ever met.
I’ve wrestled for years with how animals are treated in feedlots and after reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I can say with very few exceptions, I know the meat I have purchased has come from humanely treated animals. I’ve wrestled with the ethic of “dominion over all the earth” meaning that the earth and it’s creatures might not be here for us to consume and exploit. And yet, I’ve never been able to become vegetarian – for whatever reason, it hasn’t stuck with me.
Now, if you’re still reading, I haven’t gone all PETA – really, I was admiring some pretty leather handbags just this morning.
However, I have been reading about exercise nutrition for months. In order to get enough calories and the right kind of calories for my long runs, I started investigating protein and carbohydrate recommendations for distance runners. I learned a lot about nutrition and I knew some professional athletes are vegetarian or vegan, I wasn’t quite sure how that worked. What did they eat? How did they fuel their bodies?
And then there’s Lance.
I’ve had a long-standing admiration (some would say crush) for Lance Armstrong. I’ve spent many early mornings glued to the neighbors TV (because I didn’t get Versus) to watch him race and win the Tour de France. I have a Livestrong bracelet somewhere, and I subscribe to the Livestrong health newsletters.
And I follow Lance on twitter.
So in January or February, Lance tweeted about enjoying his Engine 2 breakfast and I thought, “What’s an Engine 2 breakfast?” So I googled Engine 2 because I care about Lance and had no idea what an Engine 2 breakfast might be.
Google came up with The Engine 2 Diet.
I learned that this handsome fellow, Rip Esselstyn, is a former professional triathlete, former All-American swimmer, an Austin Fireman, and a vegan. That was interesting on its own, but then I learned that in an effort to help a fellow firefighter, whose cholesterol was sky-high, Rip got his fire house to eat “plant strong.” They went vegan baby!
The firemen lost weight and their cholesterol numbers improved dramatically. The firehouse gained local and then national attention for eating differently, and the Engine 2 Diet was born. It’s based on good science, with good research to back it up.
Curious, I bought the Engine 2 Diet book, and read the stories, and made the choice to see what would happen if I stopped eating animal products, chose very low-fat foods, and learned to get my nutrition from vegetables.
The results have been amazing. The biggest change is that I feel energized. I’m not so sleepy in the afternoon, I wake up feeling ready to go. I’ve lost some weight, not the big 30+ pound weight loss you read about in the book but I don’t have 30 pounds to lose, and I already ate a fairly healthful diet before I switched. So the diet wasn’t a total shock to my system. But it was a pretty big change in my dinner plans.
President Clinton is Plant Strong:
I think President Clinton read The China Study, but I haven’t read it yet.
I didn’t go on the 28-day diet, I took on the dietary guidelines. t can’t say that I’m a “strict vegan” I have had a little bit of meat or fish here and there since I switched. I’ve got a freezer full of free-range organic lamb, and I’m going to help consume that delicious lamb. I still drink 1/2 & 1/2 in my coffee, but I mostly eat low-fat, delicious, plant-strong foods.
It’s funny, I’ve felt a little self-conscious about it all. I haven’t wanted to tell people that I’m eating plant-strong, or (gasp) vegan. Perhaps they’ll think I’ve gone off the deep end, or that I’m now really difficult to feed, or suddenly no fun to out to eat with, or somehow super fussy. Really, I just want to eat my veggies and be healthier. I didn’t take before and after cholesterol numbers, but I’m interested in getting my routine blood work next month, because I know my fat intake has shifted dramatically, and while my cholesterol was good before, maybe now it’s really good.
It’s also interesting to me that I’m a vegan because of the health benefits of a plant-based diet, and not because of an ethical disagreement with eating animals. I think I’ve come a long way.
Here’s a link to the Engine 2 Mighty Muffins. I’ve made these twice and the second time I doubled the walnuts and craisins (I haven’t tried using raisins). The muffins are filling and healthful and I think they are delicious with a cup of coffee before I start my day or head to the gym.
Posted in health, Life, Organic Food, Plant Strong, Vegan
Tagged china study, diet, engine 2, engine 2 diet, lance armstrong, mighty muffins, plant strong, rip esselstyn, twitter, vegan, vegetarian
I’ve written and posted a lot about my experience as a runner. You might have noticed a significant lack of, “Yippee, I finished my marathon” posts. In late January and early February, as I started what I consider my “really long runs” I started having pain.
I couldn’t sleep well because joints and muscles were complaining at night. I felt pretty good during the day but when my body and mind had time to rest, the complaints came loud and clear. Additionally, my run times were getting significantly worse. I’ve never worried about being a slow runner, or even a slow walk/runner, but I was losing time in a big way. On my 18 mile run, some of my miles were a full 5 minutes slower than regular miles. It was grim.
My instincts told me I needed to stop trying to get to the marathon and listen to my body. I checked with a friend who coaches college runners, and he agreed. He told me that my base mileage wasn’t sufficient to support the marathon training.
Here’s what that means:
I was under-prepared and my body knew it.
It was a sad, rainy Sunday afternoon when I sat down at my computer and cancelled my registration for the New Orleans Marathon.
I cried a lot.
But I also had the sense that I’d done the right thing, and that by listening to my body, I had avoided real injury.
Sometimes, it’s really difficult to do the right thing. I had to put aside what I wanted to be true and just look at what was really true. I had good feedback from my body. It took weeks for all the aches to stop, but I am now pain-free.
My new challenge is now to start running again. That seems ironic to me. I struggled to let myself not run 22 miles, now I’m struggling to get out the door to do 2 easy miles. Maybe I’m afraid they won’t be “easy” or perhaps I’m afraid I can’t really run 2 miles. I don’t fully understand it.
Let's go!
But sometime this weekend, I’m going to lace up my shoes, turn up the volume on my iPod and get a road-level view of the wildflowers. Since my mileage goal is low – 2 miles with a rest break in between mile 1 & 2, it’s not going to take me long to do the run. In fact, I’m certain that writing and publishing this post will take longer than that run. But it’ll be a big run in terms of conquering fear, and I’m looking forward to a new beginning.
Posted in health, Life, Motivation, running
Tagged marathon, motivation, new orleans marathon, pain
I didn’t send Christmas cards this year.
For a zillion good reasons, the annual card sending did not happen. We typically take a goofy family photo that includes the four pretty-good Labrador Retrievers. It’s an event just getting the dogs all sitting, all facing the photographer, and then we cross our fingers and toes in the hopes that at least one photo will have all eyes open and happy smiles on our faces and muzzles.
By Thanksgiving, I knew the annual photo wasn’t going to happen. But I had hopes that I’d send Christmas cards to friends just to say, “Hi,” and to let friends and family them know we are thinking of them.
That didn’t happen either.
We received fewer cards this year, probably because we didn’t send any. I have been wondering if the annual sending the Christmas card has given way to the e-card. Or perhaps the well-intentioned “Merry Christmas” Facebook status update is what people “do” now.
I love getting Christmas cards, New Year’s cards, Happy Holiday cards, Solstice cards, Epiphany cards – you name it- I love them all. I don’t want to lose touch with friends, and I’m promising myself that I will send cards this year.
Today is January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany and the end of Christmas season in the church calendar. Whatever your faith, I wish you blessings of joy, peace, and love for this new year.
Cynthia
Posted in Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
Tagged christmas cards, Cynthia McKenna, e-cards, epiphany, facebook status updates, magi
I signed up to run a marathon in New Orleans. This is a sampling of my daily mental preparation.
“There’s no way I can run a marathon.”
“I can do it, I can run a marathon.”
“26.2 miles – you have to be joking.”
“I think I can do it.”
“It’s going to be hard and maybe scary.”
“I can do it.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Just a little further every run and I’ll have it.”
“No way.”
“Way.”
Some days it ends with “No way,” others, “Way.”
Argh.
This is Pippin, relaxing in my office.
He is confident, playful, and open to the joys that the world has to offer
I want to cultivate more of that open heart and open hand – or open paws – engagement with life.
Posted in Counseling, health, pets, Spirituality
Tagged cat, open hand, open heart, relax
Posted in Science, Spirituality
Tagged nature, peaceful night, perfect end, sunset
Remember Reading Week? A week for reading, usually just before final exams, intended to help students be more prepared for the tests that were just around. As a student, I loved having reading week to cram in all the reading that didn’t happen during the semester. But I’ve always thought schools got reading week wrong. Why not devote a week to reading for pleasure? A week to pick up books you’ve been meaning to get to; a week to think, and read, and be.
A few years ago, I started giving myself a Reading Week – oh sometimes it’s a Reading Weekend, and sometimes it’s a set number of mornings with nothing on my to-do list but “read.” This year, I have given myself 7 days. I cancelled client sessions and made arrangements to get away and read. My master plan includes early morning runs too but so far, those haven’t materialized. Maybe tomorrow.
I have been reading a lot of novels recently, so I devoted this week to reading works on shame and sexual shame. Shame is a normal part of being human but sometimes shame overcomes a person and sets in motion a wide variety of very damaging defense mechanism. One author calls in “soul murder” – the self is so shamed, it gets so small that it seems to cease to be. The shamed self is replaced with a mask, or false self and mask is all that the world sees. Or rather, that hask is all the shamed person hopes the world will see. It’s such a powerful subject…
Here’s my reading list for this week, in case you’re interested:
I’m delighted to be included in a group of bloggers called RevGalBlogPals If you are interested in ministry, blogs by women clergy and church professionals, and some interesting, enlightening, and often humorous blogging, I hope you’ll check them out. They are also on Facebook and have some cook swag at Cafe Press
Posted in Church, Life, Musings, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
Tagged blogs, facebook, revgalblogpals, women clergy
I’ve been watching the garden die a slow death. The plants are in a state of constant stress from the heat and unrelenting drought. I was just outside looking at my purple beans, a climbing or pole bean with beautiful reddish-purple blossoms. It’s been covered with blossoms all summer and the bees love it. Bean pollen dies if it gets too hot, and it has been too hot. There aren’t any beans this summer.
Purple bean blossoms, but no beans
Last summer, my tomato plants produced about 100 lbs of tomatoes each week. That’s a lot of tomatoes and I’d hoped to sell some of my produce this summer. Tomato pollen dies at about 96 degrees, we’ve been over 100 for weeks and weeks. This summer I gather a small handful of tomatoes weekly; weakly. It’s been such a hard year to garden.
As I walk around the property, I mostly walk on dead grasses and powdery dirt. It looks like a winter landscape, except it’s August. I find I am wishing for winter.
There are times in life when things get difficult and we are called to put every ounce of energy we have into making things better. If this were one of those times, I’d be pouring compost on the plants and watering several times a day. If this were an important relationship that was struggling, I’d be focusing my efforts on communicating, and getting therapy, and spending time reflecting on what I could improve.
There are also times in life when what is healthy is to say, “Enough.” That could be, “I’ve done enough,” or, “I’ve had enough,” or, “Enough already!” With the drought, I’m now concentrating my watering efforts on keeping the foundation of the house watered, and probably not doing that enough. I catch myself thinking, as I water the struggling tomato plants, “What if it doesn’t rain? I’m going to wish I had this water to drink instead of having spent it on struggling tomato plants.” Sometimes relationships chip away at the soul, making us less of ourselves rather than nudging us to be more fully ourselves.
Sometimes, you’ve given all you have to give and it is time to stop.
It’s hard to let go of the garden. I started most of these plants from seeds in January. I watered them by hand, and carried the flats of seedlings out into the springtime sunlight and tucked them back in their warm storeroom every night. It’s challenging to let go of things that hold a lot of emotional energy for us whether it’s a tomato plant, an argument with a spouse, a failure at work. It can be really tough to stop trying to make something happen, or to let go of our fantasy of how things should be, or could be if only they’d change.
Here’s a little wisdom from the Buddhist tradition:
Two Buddhist monks were walking along a path when they came to a shallow, muddy river. A woman in a beautiful dress waited there, not wishing to cross for fear of ruining her beautiful dress. One of the monks lifted her onto his shoulders – something that he was absolutely not supposed to do – and carried her to the other side, where he set her down (dress intact) and proceeded along the path with his fellow monk. After a few hours, the second monk, unable to continue keeping quiet about what he understood as a violation of the code by which they lived, asked his companion, “Why did you pick that woman up and carry her across the river?” The first monk replied, “Are you still carrying her? I put her down hours ago.”
What are you holding onto? What things are you trying to change or control? Is it time to let go?
Dead strawberry patch with dead and dying tomatoes in the background
Posted in Counseling, Gardening, Life, Relationships, Spirituality
Tagged buddhist, control, Cynthia McKenna, fantasy, garden, letting go, pole beans, tomato plants
I’ve known a lot of people who used to be open-minded, interested in new ideas, kind of “in love” with understanding other’s perspectives. Over time, these same people become closed off, convinced that they hold the truth and everyone else is just ignorant. They are set in their ways, inflexible. In other words, they become old farts.
You know, you still love them because they are part of your family, or a close friend. However, in the quiet places of your mind, you think, “You have become such an old codger!”
So my question is this; how do we avoid becoming so rigid? How do we maintain our core values and continue to interact with the world around us in a way that is active and creative? Is it even possible?
Is “old fartishness” inevitable?
Posted in Musings, Relationships
Tagged old fart, open minded, perspectives, set in their ways
